A week later...

It is hard to believe that I have been in my house, driving on familiar roads, and speaking English for the past week. It's such a kick to walk into a room and have several people do a double take because they didn't know I was back in the US yet. It is fun to see everyone and hear what has transpired in people's lives over the past five months.

But, today, perhaps in part because I slept horribly last night -- just when I thought the jet lag was beginning to balance itself out -- the 'reverse culture shock' started settling in. Often when you travel you anticipate being shocked or not used to certain traditions. When you come back home, everything is supposed to be golden... right?

For me, it's not that my bubble bursts necessarily, it's just that I am annoyed when I hear people complaining about things around them. Don't they understand what they have to be grateful for? And, I am aggravated with the pace of our culture, and, please don't point out the fact that I flew in the day before I started back at my seminary classes. I'd much rather burrow in my dillusion of our culture than be convicted about poor choices that I have made! :)

I get emails from friends in Ukraine and look at pictures and miss them. I remind myself that the first couple of weeks were hard in Ukraine because I missed everyone in the states. Now, it's reversed. It doesn't seem fair tonight that my heart is in two places. I told my niece this weekend that some people go and visit another country and come back saying, that was nice, God used it to teach me some lessons and now I'm going to live my life here. I also told her that I am not one of these people. That from the very first time that I visited Ukraine, that God made them a special people to me. I will always be torn between two countries.

Enamored with Barbie

Riding the metro to church tonight, there was a father and his young daughter standing next to me. As I watched the little girl she was gazing at her new barbie doll still packaged. Her eyes never left the doll, even as they exited the car and were walking down the platform.

There are several thoughts and emotions that are stirred tonight from that brief encounter. First, the effect of globalization on everyone -- even the youngest -- and the long term effects. Second, I can't help but think about the over abundance of toys that most children in America 'benefit'? from... And, the over commercialization of Christmas - how we, westerners, are sucked into the mentality of always needing more... And, last, the commonality of the human race, simplified in the gaze of a child being nudged on by her father as she strolled down the platform.

Mixed emotions

As I prepare to return to the States I am excited to see family and friends. I am anxious to sleep in my own bed and not to be dependent on public transportation. But, I am dreading saying goodbye to so many friends here. Since my first visit to Ukraine in 1993 I've said that a part of me will always be here. This stay has only verified those emotions.

I managed to sing and greet the church this morning without tears, but Monday night we are having several of our close friends over for dinner before I leave bright and early on Tuesday at 4:45 am for the airport. I land in GR at 4:18 for any interested...

Thank you for sharing in this journey with me. As I return home I will continue to blog through some of the reverse culture shock issues that arrise.

God's Parting GIft to me in Kyiv

Tonight on my way home from church, I sat down on the mashrutka waiting to leave the Metro station and heard someone outside saying, "Amy, Amy, Amy". I looked out to see two of my former missions students waving at me. In true American fashion, I jumped up and stuck my head out the door and invited them to ride home with me. We sat and talked all the way back to the University. In my broken Russian and in their broken English we managed to learn about each other's break. Please pray with me for their parents, Victor and Vera who are not beleivers. The girls want them to understand their love for God and this is very difficult for them. We ended our journey with the walk from the bus stop with one of them on each side of me arm in arm. They told me they miss me already and how much they love me! How can you not love to hear this spoken with so much innocence and sincerity? What a nice surprise for my ride home tonight!

Holiday Tidings!

Sunday night I sang O Holy Night and We Fall Down. One of the benefits of extending the holiday season is that there are 3 weeks of Christmas services. Peter is very gracious to continue accompanying me.

My friend Natasha and I on New Year's weekend. I will miss her so much when I go to the States.

We went to a baby shower last week. There were many similarities to the ones we've attended in the States. However, when we moved into the living room to open gifts a completely different woman started opening all of the gifts. Sarah had just prayed for Nadia and her husbnad Vova to have wisdom raising their child -- Nadia is the woman standing behind the sofa. Sarah and I just looked at each other and snickered. We didn't know what was going on. Finally, I got up the nerve to ask Natasha who was sitting next to me, "Now, who exactly is having the baby?" Ha ha ha ha!!! Nadia. Imagine our releif!! I guess there is one difference -- the mother to be usually is the one who opens the gifts!!!!!!!!!!!

Ula and I making some food for our New Year's Eve Dinner at Victor and Luba's dacha (cottage).

a picture is worth a thousand words

The past 2 Saturdays there have been large gatherings of children at Bucha Church for the distribution of OCC gifts. They start with a drama of the Christmas Story. One group was children from Bucha and the church, the other was form surrounding villages. Next week is a group of children with special needs. It has been so much fun to help in the giving of these gifts that have been so thoughfully prepared.

The sheep 'resting' before their part in the program.

This Babushka and her grandson are regular attenders at the church we work with. They were excited about the Operation Christmas Child gift!

A Week of Realities

Monday night I was talking with Piotr who told me that his father was a pastor during communism in Western Ukraine. He talked about having to meet in several locations and when the police came and arrested his dad. As I listened, I was sickened by the reality that this was real life. It wasn't the game that someone in the US created to help teens understand the underground church, but that I know people who have lived this. Understandably, the game helps us associate tangibly with struggles of others, but it sickens me now to think of how we almost make fun of finding out who is 'KGB' and who can be trusted and who cannot. It is not a game. It is real life to believers all over the world. It is life, not a game.

The second harsh reality was when we took Operation Christmas Child gifts into the Chernobyl region. We visited two schools with a total of around 250 students. There is still a 'dead' zone where the roads are closed and the cities/villages are completely empty. Buildings have caved in roofs, all of the belongings are gone -- it is like something that you see in movies, not in real life. While we did not travel into the dead zone, we were in a village approximately 10 kilometers from the dead zone.

It reminded me of my first visits to Ukraine. Cold and dark rooms. Students that did not know that the Bible is a book filled with stories about God. Kids who had never heard the song Jesus loves me.

When I prayed for dinner last night, I told God that I didn't have words. I didn't know what to pray for except that He would protect them from the daily hazards that they live with and that He would touch their little lives with His grace. That somehow He would continually give them interaction with people that would serve as His hands and feet to show them how much He loves them.

Some of the kids at the second school we visited with Operation Christmas Child Gifts.
I had the privilege of telling the students why people give gifts and also told the legend of the candy cane.



The first school we visited had approximately 150 kids ranging from 3 - 15 years old. 

Reading Noah's Ark to Artur. Atleast I can translate most simple children's books into Russian now when I read to them!
Luba Kulbich and I. She calls me her little bird, which you can obviously see is funny just because of the fact that she comes barely to my shoulder!
Some of the team at Ukrainian Center for Christian Cooperation patiently waiting for the party to start. 

Sincerely Yours

When I was about 16 years old I sang a song called 'Sincerely Yours' at church. This morning while I was getting ready for a Christmas Party, God brought this song back to me out of the blue. All day, while traveling, enjoying friends, talking, serving, waiting in line, all day I've been thinking about the words. I want to share them and some of my reflection from today:

Lord, I take my pen to write to you a letter
Knowing even now you know what's on my mind
But I think perhaps it might make me feel better
if I see myself here written in a line
And as I close I see a phrase I've took for granted
And it leaps out as I see it written there
And as the truth of it begins to become implanted
These two words have now become my heartfelt prayer
Sincerely Yours
Lord, I sign my life to you
Sincerely Yours
With a strong and honest wish to be the best that I can be at what I am
Without a thought for me
Lord teach me now to be... Sincerely Yours
Without a proud or selfish line
Sincerely Yours
From now until there is no time
Please make my life become a letter you can keep and never throw away
I'll write it till the day that I become
Sincerely Yours... Sincerely Yours...Sincerely Yours.

As I wrestle with how does Ukraine and my love for the people here fit into what God wants for me, this song brought me to my knees this morning. It's always interesting to remember songs sung and lessons taught and then see the circumstances and life events that God brings across my path following them. So, today I reflected on what does 'sincerely yours' to God look like? I've had moments, hours, days where I was sincerely sold out to God, but honestly monthly and yearly consistency is almost impossible, isn't it? So, I revisited my life's letter today.

I am ashamed by the selfishness and am humbled through so many friends life experiences here in Ukraine. I am amazed at the many open doors here for ministry.

I think about jobs, things I've occupied my time with; some profitable and many others not...

I am reminded of God's grace. That only because He first loved me that I am His.

That I yearn for God's voice in my daily life. That I depend on Him to bring people into my life who need His touch. And, that even in my disappointment in others and changes in ministry focus that He is in control and knows what is best for me and that He orchestrates what is ahead. In my delusion of control and self direction, only He knows what is in store, whether it's 1 hour or 10 years ahead.

So, today I take my pen and write again a letter to God and sign it simply, Sincerely Yours.

A friend has been spoiling me by painting - actually designing my nails almost weekly. We have fun talking while she is creatively designing my 'look' for the week!

We learned how to make blinni this weekend! For those who have never tasted this treat, my favorite version is filled with a sweet cream cheese and then served with warm raspberry jam. They are very similar to crepes. Yummmmmm!
Students comment on our little tree that they can see through the window. It's been fun to spread a little dose of Christmas cheer! 

Jingle Bells...

Christmas in Irpine with friends.
Lena and I just after the Christmas concert on Saturday night.
I'm peaking at the Operation Christmas Child Shoe Box gifts that are being distributed to children all over Ukraine. What a great, tangible way to demonstrate that God sent His son as a gift to mankind at Chrsitmas time! 

Wrapping things up

It's so bizarre to be completely removed from our over materialized holiday traditions in the States. It's been enlightening and refreshing to not see commercials for everything under the sun or have newspapers stuffed with ads to entice you to buy more. There are a few Christmas decorations and lights up in businesses here, but the lines are still manageable. Today it is around 40 degrees and the sun is shining brightly! No snow in the recent past or in the upcoming forecast that I'm aware of.

It is also bizarre to have completed teaching the missions course and English Composition classes this past week. There are papers and tests to grade, but that experience is quickly coming to an end. We also completed our semester of Russian classes on Friday. By the grace of God we know quite a bit more Russian than when we landed. Now, the hard part, to practice what I've learned!

This weekend we are headed to Irpine to stay with a family that are friends form church. There is a choir sing celebration for Christmas that should be fun. It will be relaxing to get away after the busyness of this past week.

Even though I rag on our materialism, when I visit American missionaries homes with their Christmas decorations up there is a pang of wishing I could be with all of you for the Christmas season. I am enjoying understanding another cultures rich holiday traditions and spending time with friends here as well.

Geography is irrelevant

My screensaver on my laptop is ‘As you are going’. As it bounces around on my screen everyday, I am reminded of the commission given broadly to believers by Jesus just before His ascent to heaven. I remember understanding while preparing to speak to a group of high school students last year the vast command and the specific implications in my life. Every time someone in Ukraine introduces me as a missionary from Michigan I smile. Even though I have always tried to live out my faith deliberately with those that God places in my path, living oversees for a semester has definitely brought a new perspective to making disciples as I am going or as I am living my life. This is perhaps the starkest revelation to me in Ukraine is simply that I am living life. Different location, similar daily struggles, similar day to day annoyances, and similar joys and triumphs. In Retreat with the Psalms, the authors speak of a woman who spends time in a monastery. She reflects that you can’t dress perfectly either outwardly or inwardly when you go to church numerous times everyday. It is the realness of life with a God who knows all of my strengths, weaknesses, challenges and triumphs before they even happen. It is about the sincerity of my heart before a Holy God as I struggle to live out His Kingdom while learning a different culture. It is about learning some new aspects of how I am created as I live outside of my comfort zone and appreciate some of our cultural differences.

For those of you who are counting the days... I am flying home on Tuesday, January 16. I beleive my flight lands in Grand Rapids at 4:18 pm.